Men, Women and Marriage -hilarious!
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money.
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW... WHO UNDERSTANDS MEN?
WOMAN
When a woman is 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball - 8 men going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball- 1 man hitting her.
When she is 48, she is a pingpong ball - 2 men pushing to each other.
MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give
At 30 - He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled & cheap.
Marriage Humour
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
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Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
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First Guy (proudly) : "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
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A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."